The Greyness of Death
by Arriane.Isobel
Summary: Merlin slips away, Arthur hangs on.


"Arthur -" The words was more choked, than said. But that wasn't his fault, not really. He tried again.

"Arthur – "

"No, Merlin, you don't get a say in this anymore, I pay for more than half of this bloody place because of your shitty little dead end job – "

"Arthur – " Would the shouting ever stop? They didn't argue often, at least, they never used.

"Stop interrupting me!" It was more a scream, and Merlin was going light headed. He clutched his throat

"Ar – " He couldn't even get the whole word out. Maybe he was useless. Maybe speaking wasn't for him anymore. Maybe breathing wasn't for him anymore, it felt that way. He clawed his throat, maybe he could get air in that way. But it was useless, his vision was blurring, and Arthur was still shouting, why was he shouting? Merlin couldn't breathe, couldn't tell him what was wrong!

_What was wrong?_

"Merlin? Merlin what's wrong?" The words sounded too far away, they echoed and bounced. His vision went black, and he fell backwards.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted, clutching his shoulders. Blood poured out his head, and he was going blue. He shouldn't be going blue, what was happening? "Merlin, wake up!"

He pawed at his pocket until he found his phone. He called 999, desperately willing Merlin to hold on.

"Come on, Merlin" Arthur shuddered, shaking Merlin's shoulders, nothing. Where the hell was the ambulance?

"Wake up, come on, for me. Wake up" Blood still pooled out the back of his head, and his face seemed to be swelling.

Nothing. Sirens blared in the distance, thank god.

"Helps here" Arthur whispered to Merlin's stone white face. He was cold, lips going a strange shade of blue.

Merlin woke up before the sun, and chased his ghost across the yard, through the tumbling fog and obsessive grey until it was gone.

_Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip._

He sat at the table, eating his cereal, which was bland and grey. Everything was grey here. There were no colours, no light. Will sat opposite him, shaking his head.

"What are you doing, man?" He asked sadly, shaking his head.

Merlin shrugged. "Eating cereal." He looked down, but the cereal was gone. The only thing on the table was a needle and a spoon. At his feet, Rusty whined, placing his head in Merlin's lap. "I know, boy" He said to the golden lab, who trotted off into the sitting room. He followed him noncommittally. Sitting on the soft, shabby sofa, was a man, tall and broad, with long shaggy black hair and rough beard that was greying slowly. He was watching the television. Merlin sat next to him, looking at the aging box. A man walked around the cemetery, weeping holding dying flowers. It was gut wrenching, and Merlin didn't know why this man was sitting in his house watching something so depressing.

"Switch it off" He demanded angrily. The man turned to him, his brown eyes hollow and haunted.

"Where's your mother?"

Merlin shrugged. "Don't know, she's gotta be around here somewhere"

The man huffed. "Been looking for her for a century, she doesn't want to see me. She loved me once, you know"

"If you say so" Merlin got up. He didn't want to talk to him anymore. He went to his room. He'd watch TV in his room. But it was stuck on one programme, one scene of a programme. Two men standing by a cannel. The shorter man was prancing back and forth, slapping the other man with two small fishes. The taller man presents a large fish and slaps the prancing man, throwing him into the cannel. The screen goes fuzzy, and it begins again.

Bored, Merlin gets up and walks around the house. It's small and shabby and is in a desperate need of redecorating, but he loves it anyway, its home.

His throat hurts; he rubs it and feels his glands, hoping to god he hasn't got tonsillitis again.

He grabs rusty's lead and walks him to the park. Throwing a tennis ball for Rusty to get. He takes off at top speed through the trees and comes back, comically pleased with himself, wagging his tale and running in circles.

His head hurts, too. There's a lump at the back, that's sticky and matting his hair.

Time stands still. He stands for hours throwing the damn ball. The sun is a foggy ball in the sky, hanging low all hours of the day. It's never hot, but it's not cold, either.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep_

He couldn't change the channel on the radio, either. It was the same thing every day. Slow moving traffic on the M5 south because of a broken down vehicle. M6 North closed due to road works, find an alternative route. Preparation for the Queens visit to India was being held off due to a security threat. Then, Good golly Miss Molly would play, and then time for the news again.

He wandered around town for a bit, but Ealdor was just as dead as it used to be. Old Mrs Patts in the butchers, yelling at her husband at the top of her lungs, no wonder he had a stroke. Mrs Stone in the florist, rearranging the window display. Mr Hudson tottering around the chip shop, cleaning down the counters. He nodded at people as they walked past, but they just stared at him with sad hollow eyes.

What had they ever done to deserve to be stuck in such a dead end place?

His throat still hurt, and his head. Maybe he should go to a doctor, they could give him something. He wondered if Dr. Hamish was still there.

_Stay with me, please please Merlin, just hold on_

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

Rusty panted happily as he ran through the sprinklers, lapping up the water.

The man didn't sit watching his TV anymore. Instead, he sat on a bench at the water's edge holding a white rose that never wilted.

"Where's your mother, boy? I've been waiting for over a century, I know she's here, I read it in the paper"

"I don't know; stop asking me that, I haven't seen her." Merlin huffed, striding away.

It's not that he'd forgotten how to sleep, but there wasn't a time of day to sleep, specifically, and he didn't really need to.

_BANG!_

Mr Kowalski next door stumbled out his house.

"What happened to you?" Merlin frowned as the old man trod on a flower bed.

"Got laid off, they said I'm too old to work. What was I going to do, stop working? My life's empty without it"

Merlin nodded, and summoned Rusty to follow him.

Freya sat at his table weeping. "You shouldn't be here, it's not right"

Merlin stared at her dumbly. "I'm just eating Porridge"

She laughed half hearted. "I missed you, Merlin, but you don't belong here"

"Of course I do, I live here, I grew up here"

"Oh, Merlin" She sighed sadly as she went away.

_I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, just come back to me._

Rusty barked at nothing in particular, Merlin shushed him as he looked through the paper, coughing dryly and rubbing his throat.

Gwen tackled him the second she got to the waiting room, throwing her arms around him tightly. Arthur hugged back gratefully; glad to have the warmth in his arms.

"What happened?" She sobbed out, sniffling delicately

"We were arguing, and he just went pale, and kept leaning against the counter, I thought he was faking it, god I just kept shouting and he was just shaking his head until he just..." He cut off, throat restricting, his eyes filling up again. "He just stopped breathing, he was going blue, there was nothing I could do to help him, my attempts were just useless."

"Its okay" She whispered soothingly

"He was going into anaphylactic shock, I didn't notice early enough, it took me too long to figure out...he smacked his head when he fell, there was so much blood but...he was already dead, they were putting him in the ambulance."

Gwen led him to the plastic folding chairs and sat him down. "I've sent Lance to get some tea, it's going to be alright, he'll get through this."

"What if he doesn't?"

There were no cars here. It was probably the most economical place he'd ever been. Then again, the whole town was a stones throw away from the other end. There was an abandoned castle at the edge of town, tanned stone crumbling away to nothing. At the heart of it, was a tomb. A man lying in stone, preserved immaculately. The legend says he was once a great king who slays dragons and witches and sorcerers, who was eventually, drove mad with paranoia.

_Good g golly Miss Molly, sure liked to b ball. When you're rocking and r rolling, can hear your mama c calling._

"Did you notice any wasps in the house, Mr Pendragon?" Dr Myror asked, staring hard at the clipboard in his hands.

"I don't know, I can't remember." He was too angry at the time, too damn stubborn to notice anything.

Dr Myror nodded. "We found a puncture in his arm that looked like it could have been from a wasp sting, did you notice him get stung at all?"

Arthur shook his head miserably. "I didn't notice anything"

"That's okay. We've stabilised his condition, he's in the ICU now, you can visit tomorrow at the set times, but for now, and he needs rest. He's a very lucky man, Mr. Pendragon. Stronger men's lives have been taken by anaphylactic shock. And he's got a nasty concussion to go with it."

Arthur nodded. "Thank you so much doctor"

"Go home and get some rest. You've been here most of the night. Have a good sleep, and come back tomorrow, visiting hours start at 10. And before he comes home, I seriously recommend getting some good fly traps" Myror gave him a pointed look, before walking out.

_It'll get better, I promise. Just open your eyes._

Massive, great wooden ships sailed out almost daily. Where they came from, Merlin didn't know. But they were there in the distance, sailing gracefully across the choppy waters.

His throat was feeling better, not by much, but better none the less. He sat next to the long haired man.

"Where's your mother, boy?"

Merlin sagged. "I wish I knew"

"Do you miss her?"

"Of course!"

"Then she'll be here, she's just waiting for the right time." He turned to stare at him, scrutinizing his face. "You look like her, you have her eyes"

"Thank you"

"Why are you here, Merlin, you're much too young"

"Will's here" Merlin defended. "So's Freya, they're younger than me"

"But it was their time. It's not your time, you weren't in the paper. I checked."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Merlin's brow furrowed in confusion. Why did everyone keep saying that it wasn't his time? He was just getting on with things.

"What happened to you?"

_Useless, Merlin! I asked you to do one damn thing, and you didn't. I'm at work all day – _

_You don't think I know that?! You're always at work!_

"I don't know what you mean"

"You will, my boy. You will"

"What happened to you?"

"Mugging"

"That's rough"

The man nodded solemnly. "It was, I didn't have anything, though, they got angry, you know?"

Merlin nodded. He didn't know, though. He'd never been mugged, nor had he ever mugged anyone.

"You really don't remember what happened to you?"

Merlin shrugged, feeling his throat constrict slightly. Maybe he still did need a doctor. Grey waves washed over their feet, Rusty barked happily.

_Arthur – _

_No, Merlin, you don't get a say in this anymore, I pay for more than half of this bloody place because of your shitty little dead end job – _

_Arthur – _

_Stop interrupting me!_

"Are we in the past, or the future?" Merlin wondered out loud

"Nothing"

"What?"

"We are nothing, we are nowhere, this is nothing"

"That's not possible"

"No, it's not" The man got up, brushing down his black trousers, and walking off, Rose still in hand.

_Would you believe it, Merlin? I haven't been to work in almost three days. Please, just come back, things will change, I promise._

He coughed, and winced. That's enough sea air for one day. He stood up, and walked home with rusty trotting along at his side, rubbing the back of his head softly.

He sits on the dull beach, knees curled up to his chest, sobbing softly.

"You remember" The voice was rough. The man with the rose sat down next to him.

"Wasp sting, smacked my head on the floor as I collapsed."

"You allergic or something?"

"Deadly. I didn't even realise I'd been stung, I thought it was a splinter or something"

"But you can go back now"

Merlin shook his head. "I can't go back"

"Why not?"

"I don't want to"

"Why not?"

"Because he didn't even realise! I was dying in front of him and he just kept shouting at me about how fucking ungrateful I am, I was dying!" He shouted, his throat screamed in protest. He'd realised it earlier, sitting at the table with a needle and spoon in front of him. It came slowly, the thought falling into his head slowly, like leaves, falling off an October tree.

"It's not your time"

"Why not?!" Merlin demanded.

"Because you weren't in the paper" He handed him a rolled up news paper. Except there was no news in there, just page after page of obituaries.

"You're still alive, Merlin. You just need to wake up"

"I don't want to wake up" Merlin pouted.

"You'll be better when you wake up"

"I'm better now"

"No, you're stuck here, for all of time. You'll be back sometime, but this is not yours."

"Where's my mum?"

"Waiting for you to wake up"

He opens the peeling front door, and the smell of sea air hits him. Waves splashed over stone wall, splattering the floor with salty drops. His mother stood with her back to Merlin, watching as the grey sea danced as one.

He stood next to her, watching the same scene as her in a different light. She looked over to him, eyes wet with sadness. "What are you doing here, Merlin" She asked sadly.

"Watching the sea with you" He shrugged. The clouds rumbled ominously.

Will stood at his other side. "What you do to get here?"

"I'm just watching the sea with you" He sighed.

"There's a rule, you know. About staying." Will stated.

His mother nodded grimly. "You'll get it right, if it's your time"

"What if it's not my time?"

"Then you'll get it wrong, and you'll go back to your life" Merlin nodded wretchedly

"I don't want to go back to my life" Merlin frowned. "I want to stay here with you."

"What about Arthur?"

Merlin frowned. Arthur?

"Probably at work" He shrugged. "He's always at work, I don't want to go back there, I want to stay with you"

_I love you, Merlin, please just wake up._

"When is a door not a door?" Will demanded rudely.

Merlin frowned, perplexed. His mother sobbed loudly, and Will hung his head.

"I don't know"

"When is a door, not a door?"

"I don't know!"

His mother hugged him fiercely. "I love you so much, my dear, dear boy"

"No" Merlin gasped out, hugging her back tightly, he didn't want to let go, ever.

"I'm so glad I got to see you again, but you've got to go back"

"It was great seeing you man, even if does mean you're, well you know...dead"

"I'm not dead" Merlin insisted.

"No, you're not. That's why you're going back." Will smiled ruefully.

"I love you" His mother whispered as she faded away. The world was fading away, back into the blackness of oblivion.

_Miss you so much – _

_It's been nearly a week – _

_He'll wake up when he's ready, Mr Pendragon._

_And another thing!_

_Gin!_

_Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep_

Everything was sterile and fresh when he woke up. His throat hurt, and his head. There was something in his nose that was cold. His hand stung and god his arm throbbed.

"Oh god" The voice was ragged and torn. Merlin looked over, and Arthur was stumbling over to him, red eyed and weary. "You were dead, God you were dead and I didn't know, I couldn't tell – I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"Arthur - "

"I missed you" He was hugging him fiercely, in a way that made Merlin feel both happy and sad.

"I'm still here" His voice was scratchy.

"I need to get the doctor; I need to tell him you're awake"

"Okay" Merlin agreed, trying to sit up. It made him feel dizzy. He ran a hand over the back of his head. A chuck of his hair was all matted together.

The apartment was covered in fly nets and a weird blue thing that electrocuted any bugs that went near it, and there was a strange smell that Merlin didn't even want to know about. Overall, he thought it was all a bit over the top, but he wasn't going to tell Arthur that.

They were sat curled up on the sofa watching an old black and white comedy show. The actors all spoke in ridiculous voices and made stupid faces, but it was better than watching football.

"_Hey, I got a riddle for ya" _The taller, broader character said to the small, stumpy character.

"_I love a good riddle!"_

"_When is a door not a door?"_

"_Gee, Rick. That's a hard one"_

"_Go on, you can get it!"_

"_Oh it got it!"_

"_When is a door not a door?"_

"_When it's ajar!"_


End file.
